Give me back the key to my universe

As I did long time ago... here's the song, play it while you read the text. http://youtu.be/vcWTTs8QVRc

You can see me free falling through the wind while you are nearly finding the way to scape from everything. I'm becoming blind because of the smoke, don't even know what has been set on fire inside of me.
This chain around my neck is starting to burn. And I can't, I can't take it away. Once I promised I wouldn't do it and now it's strangling me. I'm afraid that, if I do, you'll leave with it, and I don't want you to leave me.
This is just a step we had to do, a little bit late but still on time. We were getting hurt time after time, and love doesn't hurt that much. There was something else that we couldn't see. It's moving away now although it has left the scars, the memories and a bit of jealousy. I have the feeling that they'll stay here for a long time.
What's left to do? Pray to God that we'll find our way some day. "It's not easy, it's not easy" they say "but you have to keep holding on". But where is the one who'll hug me when I need it, who'll tell me I love you before going to sleep. Who'll spend his time with me and will dry my tears and draw me a smile.
Everybody hurts, everybody falls. Sometimes the sun's shinning when you're hidding under the blankets, and you don't notice the clouds moving outside showing you how the world is still alive although the difficult obstacles it has come across.
I've tried to keep all together the afternoon's pecks and cuddles while lying on the sofa in a small box in the corner of my heart, but I couldn't close it, so I left a little bit of you hanging around until you decide to take them back. I'm trying hard to heal my heart. There are too many feelings I have to erase.
You can't live in the clouds forever. And as I said one day, heaven's out of reach and it's raining in paradise. Don't search for perfection 'cause it doesn't exist in real life. Maybe in Descartes innate ideas, not here. Life's hard, and it's fucking your plans all the time. That's why we have hope. To make it easier to chew the problems. 'Cause it's not always possible to think that everything's gonna be alright. Avril said that maybe tomorrow, tomorrow is a different day... And it will be, I don't know which one.
Butterflies in the stomach, unexpected smiles and love hugs wanted. They've been stolen or they've escaped home alone. However, I'm afraid I won't be able to give a big reward. Any help? I buy happiness potions, endless smile make-up, everything that makes me shine again.
I know I won't get out of life alive, but it seems so long for this little girl who wants to spend it grinning. So long now that you are still floating around and following me everywhere. So long for walking its way full of mountains alone.

Farewell

Well, I don't have time to write a long story like I used to do, because we have lots of exams and work to do; the end of the course comes. Now all the teachers ask us for homework and other kinds of work because we need to finish our units for the final exams, but they don't care about if we have or not time to do everything. And it's all so stressing... So I had to look for some old compositions I had in my computer and get them together so they had sense. I suppose this is the end of the blog... Or I'll maybe just write on it if I have time or I feel inspirated. If not... I hope you enjoyed reading it, and also that your heart felt a little bit nostalgic. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for your time! Good luck to everyone.

Forget, forgot, forgotten

I don’t understand why every time I see a picture of you, my heart stops and you take my breath away. Each time. I’m not supposed to feel this way about you anymore, I’m not. It’s been two months since you left me but it seems you still have a part of my heart. I don’t know if you even think about me every once in a while or feel something whenever you see my face. Part of me hopes you do, which is bad. I still have hope and I have been unaware of that or simply been trying hard to avoid that fact.
I remember when we first started dating, everyone said it wasn't going to work out. No one believed that I would survive this kind of relationship. But still, here we are, you and me together still. But I'm starting to get scared that at the same time we're not. That we're not the same people. That we have lost the spark. That the fire that burned passionate in our hearts, now is only a fire that's burning us in a hurting way.
But that's all we can do, grew stronger and forget about when once upon a time we argued, made up, joked around, had serious conversations, kissed and cuddled, went for late night drives, knew everything about each other... and it all ended. I must forget now...

Take a bite of my heart

Alice opens the window to help the memories to scape. It's been one week since he left home, but his smell is still floating around, and she wants it to disappear. She's tired of fighting and hoping it will all be fine again someday. She can't be permanently waiting, so she's decided to give up and throw her life away to become another brand new Alice, a girl ready to enjoy life how it's pretended to be. She has never been very strong, but she will try it. At least she can't loose much more.

It's 9 o'clock in the morning and John hasn't already fallen asleep. He misses her so much although he hasn't said a word to her about it. "What would she be doing now? Sleeping? Is she wondering if I'll ever come back?" If it wasn't so hard he'd be next to her rather than being there, on that cold bench while the love season passes by. But he's so proud and he wants her to learn about her mistakes.

"What a fucking day that I've chosen to start a life..." says Alice. Truthly, it's starting to rain and the whole sky is grey. "This can't work". And all the memories come in again with the wind and punch her right in the heart. She would never forget him. Hardly all the life she can remember is next to him. She finally decides to walk down stairs and have a cup of tea, she had discovered it two weeks ago at her mother's house and took some home. And she also picks a piece of dark chocolate, the one he likes the most.

John finally takes a decision. If he doesn't make anything she will run away so far that he will never be able to get her back. So he starts to run the streets they used to walk together and picks a rose from a garden. He knows that she's always wanted one, but he was too shy to do it).

She listens the door's bell and jumps. Who would it be? Before opening the door, she first looks at the mirror and erases the tears. She hardly has a heart atack when he appears from the other side of the door, panting. What has he been doing? Suddenly he starts to talk.

"Alice, first of all, I want you to know that you've hurt me. But I don't want you to suffer more, I've come to tell you another thing. I'm sorry if I've waited so long, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, you broke my heart but you've also made my life wonderful. The thing is... I love you, and I can't live without you. I've never been able to tell you something like that although you've always asked it, and now I'm trying the best I can. Alice, I fell in love with you since the first time I saw you, and I knew you were the one for me. I waited for you until you were prepared, and then it seemed that you were going away again. I couldn't stand it, I was losing my treasure. I haven't slept today thinking of what I'm saying. Do you know what is it to wake up a sad morning, open the window and feel that the one you love is blowing away? Well, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry of what we've done, and that I don't want that our story ends... So I've come running to you to give you this... ". He gives her the rose. It has lost some petals but it's still beautiful and red. "Please, don't cry... and I also wanted to give you..." He kneels down and puts her hand into his pocket. "To give you this, Alice. Do you want to marry me?"

Alice can't believe what's happening. "It has to be a dream. It can't be real" thinks. She has become quiet and shocked and doesn't know what to do or say. Finally she allows the instinct to guide her, she's been thinking enough those days. She starts to cry and hugs him strongly. "Of course I want, I've always wanted. I'm sorry of what has happened. I miss you so much, I can't live without you."



Nobody knows if they did what they should have done, but since that day they had learn something about life and had grown up enough to don't fight again for a silly nonsense. They got a wonderful wedding, everything went perfect. They had two sons. They bought a dog. They didn't had much money, but all they needed. Love.

Birthday letter to him

It's been so long since the last time I wrote here, but today is worth more than passing the day by your side. And well, I've been thinking a hundred ways to tell you I love you and all you mean for me and I haven't find it out yet, but I'm still trying.

I'd like that this day was special to you, on of those days that makes history, that you unconsciously keep saved in a corner of your brain and heart. It's passed 6208 days from today since that fantastic Monday 20th of December of 1993, the day when a helicopter crashed into Cadí trying to save a hiker, when Microsoft Office was presented as the solution for the companies, when a boom that didn't explote durint the 2nd World War menaced Panama, the day when the law agains piracy takes effect, when Barça son Celta 1-0 and Aladin was launched at the cinemas in Catalonia. And indeed it happened lots of things appart of the ones that appear in the newspapers, but the most important one it was that you saw the world for the first time. And this until today would be... 7*5x⅛√355+12x/7 hmmm... 84 years? Uh, lucky you that you aren't my pet and you have much to live :).

Happy birthday my darling. I hope that these 17 years have been perfect, at least I've tried so.
There are still many things to live together, lot of things to do and celebrate, but every day is one of them. You are the only reason to keep holding on, and the best I can ask. You make me feel what I can't feel for anyone else. Those kind of love that makes your heart shiver when you talk and smile. That gives you full. That brings you to the tallest building of the city and then drops you. It catches you. It despairs you but it fills you. Love that touches and feels. That is light and heavy at the same time. It flies, cries, sings and laughs. It warmths and shades. It's romantic and appasionated, full of life. Love that disappoint. That needs more love. Love that paints your life full of colours. True love...

And time passes by, and you grow up slowly. You change without realizing and with you also changes the world. Now it's cold again, but it always is when you aren't here.. And the nights are so long... but you illuminate them, mixed with the colored lights. You've always been a star that shines and takes care of me even if I don't see you. You've always had saved your part in my heart until you took it all. I had always looked for that piece that I needed and I finally found you. And for this and a lot of things more you are now an indispensable part to me because, without you, I'm not me, I'm nothing at all.

Do you know what I want for Christmas? The same that every year, what I ask every time that a shooting star passes by, when I blow the candles... but I won't tell you what it is because if so it won't be fulfilled :) I'll just say that it is not bought, I don't want that it ends, it's precious, it can be touched (eaten, licked...) caressed, hugged and pampered, loved more than nothing else in the world. And some more verbs that it's not necessary to write them down.

Thank you for everything we've lived together, cookie... you're all that I want. I love you until the end.



Your little Nana forever ♥

Summer, game over

The first rays of sun filtered through the blind. While the world was dawning slowly, she was still trying to get asleep. The clock needles were pointing half past six. Summer had finished before it began.
Emily had passed all of it working and for the first time she couldn't go on holiday. In her house they weren't able to travel abroad, and this made her feel even more pissed than going back to school. Well, this and the fact of thinking that while everybody had filled their heart of beautiful and unforgetable memories with their friends, she had sent her hollidays to the "Earring to improve" box. Another time.
She gave a couple of spins between the sheets (or three, or four, or a thousand) and finally she woke up pushing the sun and with a tear sliding to the endless days of no-holidays that she had ahead.

Tomorrow forever

I love you, and I'll love you until the end. Time goes by so slowly when you aren't here... I'm tired of hugging you unstil I realize that I have nothing in my arms. Does this roller coaster ever go right? You start to climb and suddenly fall down. I want to be by your side, that you love me and loving you too. And not just telling it, but melt each other until make us one.
I want to retrace your ear with the tip of my tongue, bite your lips, kiss you through the navel and continue descending. Eat you for dinner and in every meal. Touch you, caress you, feel you... own you.
I would like you to feel every of these words, to remember if you have ever felt tickle reading this and to feel it again. Stop thinking about all the things you have saturated in your head. Leave the world behind and imagine for a moment that I'm with you, on your lap, and there's nothing more than this, you and me, and together we float in a universe without sense where only us(?) write the story; us melting the cold of space and competing with the stars, us together hugging each other, us alone, us without knowing where you end and where I beggin... us ours and of nobody else.
I want you, baby. Tomorrow I won't let you go. Tomorrow forever.

Distance

Call you just to know that you are listening to me from the other side of the phone, that my words arrive to your ears. Listen to you in silence although I only hear sighs. Close both eyes and feel you at my side even in the distance.
I could continue writing you messages although you would never get to see them. Just to know that you're still at the other side of this screen; that what I feel arrives somewhere and it isn't left floating in the air, it arrives to you. And then they remain stagnant in the mail box like the blinking lights of the telephone's answering machine.

I love (you)...

I like to cover myself with the wolf blanket before I go to sleep since I know that they're of your favourites.
I separate the burned crisps like you used to do.
I love to dress up with your clothes and turn on the lights of the alarm clock as always you come. I still sleep hugging your pillow although your perfume is already gone. I like to leave your mattress on the floor and lay there until my mother punishes me and I have to tidy it. I listen to Eminem like you, I play your games and write you when I can.
I like to eat a square of white chocolate when I get up like you, and the pieces of pizza that were left the night before. Looking at your photo on the wall when I miss you, the rose on my desk, every detail that makes me remember of you.
I love to see me at the mirror and feel that you're still behind me, hugging me.
Every feature that makes you a little more mine, and me more yours, and us more ours. I like everything you do, everything that's me and you.
And I like that you like that

Leave Me

That's a video I found in one my favourite blogs. This term I haven't had time to finish the posts because I had to study for the exams and I've started working in a café, so this is the video that ends the term, the course, and update as often. I'll try to write when I have inspiration or something good to tell you and I hope not to close it. See you soon and enjoy the summer!