Birthday letter to him

It's been so long since the last time I wrote here, but today is worth more than passing the day by your side. And well, I've been thinking a hundred ways to tell you I love you and all you mean for me and I haven't find it out yet, but I'm still trying.

I'd like that this day was special to you, on of those days that makes history, that you unconsciously keep saved in a corner of your brain and heart. It's passed 6208 days from today since that fantastic Monday 20th of December of 1993, the day when a helicopter crashed into Cadí trying to save a hiker, when Microsoft Office was presented as the solution for the companies, when a boom that didn't explote durint the 2nd World War menaced Panama, the day when the law agains piracy takes effect, when Barça son Celta 1-0 and Aladin was launched at the cinemas in Catalonia. And indeed it happened lots of things appart of the ones that appear in the newspapers, but the most important one it was that you saw the world for the first time. And this until today would be... 7*5x⅛√355+12x/7 hmmm... 84 years? Uh, lucky you that you aren't my pet and you have much to live :).

Happy birthday my darling. I hope that these 17 years have been perfect, at least I've tried so.
There are still many things to live together, lot of things to do and celebrate, but every day is one of them. You are the only reason to keep holding on, and the best I can ask. You make me feel what I can't feel for anyone else. Those kind of love that makes your heart shiver when you talk and smile. That gives you full. That brings you to the tallest building of the city and then drops you. It catches you. It despairs you but it fills you. Love that touches and feels. That is light and heavy at the same time. It flies, cries, sings and laughs. It warmths and shades. It's romantic and appasionated, full of life. Love that disappoint. That needs more love. Love that paints your life full of colours. True love...

And time passes by, and you grow up slowly. You change without realizing and with you also changes the world. Now it's cold again, but it always is when you aren't here.. And the nights are so long... but you illuminate them, mixed with the colored lights. You've always been a star that shines and takes care of me even if I don't see you. You've always had saved your part in my heart until you took it all. I had always looked for that piece that I needed and I finally found you. And for this and a lot of things more you are now an indispensable part to me because, without you, I'm not me, I'm nothing at all.

Do you know what I want for Christmas? The same that every year, what I ask every time that a shooting star passes by, when I blow the candles... but I won't tell you what it is because if so it won't be fulfilled :) I'll just say that it is not bought, I don't want that it ends, it's precious, it can be touched (eaten, licked...) caressed, hugged and pampered, loved more than nothing else in the world. And some more verbs that it's not necessary to write them down.

Thank you for everything we've lived together, cookie... you're all that I want. I love you until the end.



Your little Nana forever ♥

Summer, game over

The first rays of sun filtered through the blind. While the world was dawning slowly, she was still trying to get asleep. The clock needles were pointing half past six. Summer had finished before it began.
Emily had passed all of it working and for the first time she couldn't go on holiday. In her house they weren't able to travel abroad, and this made her feel even more pissed than going back to school. Well, this and the fact of thinking that while everybody had filled their heart of beautiful and unforgetable memories with their friends, she had sent her hollidays to the "Earring to improve" box. Another time.
She gave a couple of spins between the sheets (or three, or four, or a thousand) and finally she woke up pushing the sun and with a tear sliding to the endless days of no-holidays that she had ahead.

Tomorrow forever

I love you, and I'll love you until the end. Time goes by so slowly when you aren't here... I'm tired of hugging you unstil I realize that I have nothing in my arms. Does this roller coaster ever go right? You start to climb and suddenly fall down. I want to be by your side, that you love me and loving you too. And not just telling it, but melt each other until make us one.
I want to retrace your ear with the tip of my tongue, bite your lips, kiss you through the navel and continue descending. Eat you for dinner and in every meal. Touch you, caress you, feel you... own you.
I would like you to feel every of these words, to remember if you have ever felt tickle reading this and to feel it again. Stop thinking about all the things you have saturated in your head. Leave the world behind and imagine for a moment that I'm with you, on your lap, and there's nothing more than this, you and me, and together we float in a universe without sense where only us(?) write the story; us melting the cold of space and competing with the stars, us together hugging each other, us alone, us without knowing where you end and where I beggin... us ours and of nobody else.
I want you, baby. Tomorrow I won't let you go. Tomorrow forever.

Distance

Call you just to know that you are listening to me from the other side of the phone, that my words arrive to your ears. Listen to you in silence although I only hear sighs. Close both eyes and feel you at my side even in the distance.
I could continue writing you messages although you would never get to see them. Just to know that you're still at the other side of this screen; that what I feel arrives somewhere and it isn't left floating in the air, it arrives to you. And then they remain stagnant in the mail box like the blinking lights of the telephone's answering machine.

I love (you)...

I like to cover myself with the wolf blanket before I go to sleep since I know that they're of your favourites.
I separate the burned crisps like you used to do.
I love to dress up with your clothes and turn on the lights of the alarm clock as always you come. I still sleep hugging your pillow although your perfume is already gone. I like to leave your mattress on the floor and lay there until my mother punishes me and I have to tidy it. I listen to Eminem like you, I play your games and write you when I can.
I like to eat a square of white chocolate when I get up like you, and the pieces of pizza that were left the night before. Looking at your photo on the wall when I miss you, the rose on my desk, every detail that makes me remember of you.
I love to see me at the mirror and feel that you're still behind me, hugging me.
Every feature that makes you a little more mine, and me more yours, and us more ours. I like everything you do, everything that's me and you.
And I like that you like that

Leave Me

That's a video I found in one my favourite blogs. This term I haven't had time to finish the posts because I had to study for the exams and I've started working in a café, so this is the video that ends the term, the course, and update as often. I'll try to write when I have inspiration or something good to tell you and I hope not to close it. See you soon and enjoy the summer!

Sweet*

In the horizon a light starts to shine while you open your eyes and you find her tangled around you. You smile and take away the lock of hair that tickled your nose to sleep again.
When you wake up you see a hole instead with a little heart-shapped note:
"Even the best ones fall sometimes and the stars go blue. Even the wrong words and the lies can rhyme. But holding hands we'll get where the wind says, I'll follow you wherever you go, if you lose me I'll be hidden behind you. I love you, baby"
You wake up still with the emotion of her words, but wondering where would she be. You look for her in the kitchen and the bathroom but nothing. You drop to the couch disappointed and remember the note.
-What a long time she's followed me - you think.
Meanwhile, a little furry ball has noticed the breakfast on the table and tries to catch it jumping. Tired of hearing the barkings you go to see what happens to him and it surprises you to find a coffee cup with your initials.
-She and her details...
You drink it slowly, savoring every particle of love that's inside and leave the little puppy lick the last drops, entering the magic inside him too.
You try to turn on the TV without result. In the laptop the isn't Internet connection.
You decide to go for a walk and clear yourself, stranged for the swings in the las minutes. You put your headphones on and start to walk the streets where the night before you both danced slipping under the rain with the smoke of the cigarretes and the kisses with alcohol flavour, like the videoclip of her favourite song. A
A slight vibration in the pocket makes you come back to reality: "I still feel your breathing next to me. Thank you for being here and making all a little nicer".
When you come back you discober the lamppost of your street painted with an "I love you" in everyone. You start to think the reason of all the surprises; Valentine's Day, my birthday... Nothing. It's a Monday like all the others. You finally decide to phone her, but the voicemail answers.
-Fuck! - you shout - Today anything I do is well.
You arrive home and are about to lie down in bed until the lunch time but it's all full of sweets forming an "You are the sweetest boy in the world". You stay several time looking at every corner of every letter. A tear scapes from your eyes just when someone hugs you from behind. She, radiant and inocent, crazy and carefree, beautiful and yours. You hug her back and start to kiss her until you fall to the floor. You caress her hair and retrace her face with your fingertips.
-I adore you. You are perfect.
-Don't leave me never...
And now you're still kissing her when you wake up and before going to sleep; coming back home from work and when you go for a walk; hidden, sweet, hasty, distant, long, short, warming kisses; in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening; if you're happy, sad or angry; when she askes you or because you want; before, now and forever...

You are the sweetest boy in the world... (St. Jordi '10)

The man with no soul...

I suppose that you don't remember what love is. It's passed so much time since you felt something... All the afternoons full of careeses, all the nights flying away holding hands, they have been locked inside the memories. Now you don't want to go out to play, the days are becoming routine and everything's losing its sense. It seems silly to think that, before, your heart could beat so fast just for seing her name in the screen of your phone. Or how it made you feel delighted to hear the sound of her grin into the darkness. You think it's stupid to imagine someone remembering and missing you like you did. And about how you used to smile when people said all she loved you...

Are you afraid of loving again?

"The man without soul couldn't see the 3D pictures in the books."
(without feelings you can't see the most beautiful things)

Letter to a memory

Dear memory,
Long ago (Fa molt temps- ?) that I didn't write addressing directly to you... since my farewell.
I suppose that you still don't understand the reason of my leaving into the wild, but I neither pretend that you do it. I don't like to show to anybody exactly how I am; I always wear a suitcase full of masks to hide me with every person around me. I'm so used to them that I've finally forgotten who I really am, but I have no hurry to find it out. I wonder why I'm writing to you...
Every time I dislike more this game. I've got feelings, and with them you always end losing. In the beginning it has it's charm to introduce yourself like a nice girl that likes to everyone, it isn't so difficult. But I don't want to be popular or like to other people. I want to have a soul sister that joins me in this giant theater that is the world.
Indeed, I've been acting for a long time. You've been allright in your scene, maybe one of the best characters I'll ever find in my play, and I'm sorry for have disappointed you. I was afraid that you saw a different me as the one who you were used to and this could hurt you. I fond of you, you know? I'm sorry to be always selfish, but in my play I have the control, although I'm sometimes a little bit masochist.
I hope that in your next act you can find someone who fills your life, who is transparent like you, and who takes care of you like you deserve. I'm not the right person, I'm not a good sister, and I won't know how to return everything to you, but I thank you. Someday we'll meet again and inevitably I'll remember of all the good memories (I know that you doubted it).
Thank you for everything.

Pandaba (L2...

Dream mate

Look, I've been your pillow for so long, but it's enought. I'm tired of seeing you sad. The nights that you drown me are every time more compared with the ones you hug and kiss me as you remember him. I can't see what he does, I'm just a body with no arms or legs, but before it was different. You were a brave girl. You didn't cry but were always smiling, and you fought for it. When he left home you sang songs and jumped around the house; I used to feel the vibrations. And now... nothing. You remain with me without moving and you are leaving droplets until you get asleep. Some nights you get tired of everything, throw me to the wall and don't come back until the next morning. Then you come a little bit better, but I feel your pain inside. If you could see yourself in your dreams, little darling...

Alison's composition

This is just a composition I did with no relation with the blog, but I have to post something to encourage myself to write more. (Debbie, it will sound familiar to you :))


Alison read the note, smiled, and immediately put on her coat. That was a good way to start the Christmas Holidays. She left home and took a taxi to the centre. Her eyes were shining brightly while she was looking at the sky. It was so warm for a December day. When she arrived at the park he was already waiting for her. They hugged each other and started to walk around the lake holding hands. John seemed a little bit nervous. He was staring at the path but didn't say anything. Suddenly he stopped:
-Ali, we have to talk. I must explain everything or I'll explode. Last week you went to a concert, didn't you?
-Yes, with Kate. What's wrong, John? You are scaring me.
-Look, I was angry because I'd have liked to go there with you but you dind't tell me about it. I drank a lot and went to the disco. A girl came up to me and we danced. And then... you know.
-¡But why?
-I'm really sorry. I love you, Ali...
-I didn't expect this of you John. - she started to cry- Merry Christmas.

Wander

I want to breath your "I love you"s and see the mark of my body on your skin when I get up.
I want to find a red rose on the smell of your pillow when you leave home.
I want to bathe with you in the sea, laughing and dancing with the waves.
I want we to make our own love rainbow from wherever we are, to live in our wonderland's castle... where you can always find me.
I want to walk our way together, not that you accompany me in mine.

And after all we've been through you're still all I've got, and although I can't live with you, without you I give up. I've told you I love you 'cause I don't have anything more to give. I hope it's enough for you. And if you want my heart, look under your pillow, I left it there. I'll be waiting at the other side of the street until you decide to cross it.

Lost in Odysseus sea

Today ends this white long weekend, and now it lasts a few exams (such as English, History and Greek) and we'll be on holiday again! Everybody has done photos with snow, and I suppose you'll see them on the blog soon (I've added mine at the pictures on the right).
For finish the term I'd like to post another scene from a film. I'm really looking forward the movie "Alice in wonderland" by Tim Burton, but it isn't at cinemas in Spain yet. I think it won't be shown here until April 16th. I'll write something about it then. But now here it is a part of the last scene from the film "When Harry met Sally" (although I haven't seen the film yet, just some parts). I really love it because it's so romantic and sweet. I hope you like it :)



"I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're lookin' at me like i'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely. And it's not because it's new year's eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Music in our veins

Today I was listening to the old playlist I had in Spotify (Sad songs, I miss you) and I remembered of these songs. They brought me a lot of memories. It's amazing how we assign the music to times and experiences of our life. You can listen to one song and think about the summer, your birthday party or even a friend. There's music in the soundtracks, the advices on TV, in the shops, even to announce over the PA. Our life is a stave, we compose the lyrics and behind us it sounds music that makes all more beautiful (and sometimes complicated).
The first one it's a little bit sad, I hardly started to cry, but the second one I think it gives you strenght to carry on and keep fighting for what you want, without worrying of what people think of you.


A day to be alone - One less reason


The middle- Jimmy eat world

Valances

She was still too young to think about all the consequences of her acts, to see everything in any way exept a fairytale. She used to dream she was like a princess and the world was at her feet.
Coming back from school she always found his arms around her waist and thought it was the most beautiful thing. At home he pampered her and told her she had everything a boy could want in a girl. They where in their own bubble.
She still though they had the world record of loving each other, and this would last forever. She was happy just smelling the remnants of his perfume floating on her clothes.
At night, when they looked up in the sky they said it was like a mirror, and those bightly lights were all the people who where also looking at there. Then they sought the one which shone the most, and they assigned it to themselves. This is what they were. A star that is always there even if you can't see it, and it's still shinning even if the clouds hide it.
But, when time passes, something else gets in the way. Does Cupido's arrow fade away? And it grows poison from the spines of his roses, and the valance that his voice shapes with the wind when they come out from his mouth don't feel sweet and smooth, but sharp and pointed.
Then, on the edge of the cliff, she asked him to go back to the beggining with a "Please, turn me on again". But they fell...

My sister explains her imaginary world

My sister is a really happy person, so I've concluded that she has an imaginary world in her head, and this is what makes her laugh without apparent reason. I asked her about it, and she said:
"Imagine the world full of mattresses on the ground. The sky is pink with purple spots and heart clouds. The people are green and they only have one leg.
One day the oldest man of the world came out to the street and started staring at the other citizens with a bull mask. When he shouted "MOOOH" all the people became frightened and started to run. But they only had one leg, so they got tired soon. Finally they decided to sleep on the mattresses and when they got up, everything was normal again exept for the old man that didn't run or sleep. He was alone in the Fantastic World.
This would be nice."

Take your own conclusions. xD

Busy days!

These days I've been busy with Carnival and reading books for school so I didn't write anything! But I'm back although I have lots of work this week too.

This Carnival I disguised as Tinkerbell, the fairy in Peter Pan. She wears a short green dress and, unfortunately, those was the coldest week of all the winter. In the parade we danced a lot but I hardly got frozen while we were going to Carpas. There, after giving the ticket to enter, I lost my wallet with all the money I had recieved from my saint. Poor me TT
The night passed so fast and it had some good and bad moments, but it was great!

I've read "A Thousand Splendid Suns" from Khaled Hosseini. It was ok, but I had little time to finish it, so I didn't enjoy it much.
I've hardly failed the science exam about the Origin of Life and the Evolution. I was really disappointed 'cause I thought I had done well and I knew all my notes, but not. So here it is, a video about the histoy and evolution of everything (of course I didn't explain it this way in the exam, but I maybe would have had better mark!).

Don't meet me in my dreams tonight 'cause I can't forget you

Now she doesn't look at the stars 'cause he's there, reflected in the full moon, shinning more than anything in the sky. She's hidden under her pillow, so maybe he won't find her and won't meet her either while she's dreaming. Then she'd be able to lay down and forget the world, but here he goes. The moonlight gets into the room painting it full of colours. When she notices it starts to dance on the rainbow of memories. Just like the heroine, in an extasis state, she's floating. And like all the drugs does, when the effects pass you fall into a neverending hole. So that's what happened, she relapsed into her well. The walls, tired of seeing her cry, they get closer envolving her in tears' sea. Like a castaway she tries to throw a glass bottle but nobody answers.
After a few minutes she saw it there, on the table. She needed more than this, sure, but if her stars doesn't come, she'll have to find another way to feel better. And after all, it is full of their smiles and love, so with a little bit of luck, they'll go out and hug her heart until it becomes warmer.

My happy pills full of their sweet(s) love.